Grilled Cheese and Grape Jelly

Two plane rides. Two days without any naps. One flat tire. One family dinner with the in-laws. One bridal shower. One birthday party. Three nights in a row of later than normal bedtimes. Three different cakes. Two major meltdowns. Countless giggles, smiles, stories, new words, kisses and squeezes.

We made it! And 24 hours after getting back into my house, having a long nap yesterday and getting 9 hours of sleep last night I am STILL T.I.R.E.D. Of course that might have to do with all the unpacking, laundry, grocery shopping, Mother's Day card Target run (that, yes, did turn into a full-fledged Target retail therapy of beach towels, picture frames, art supplies and two new outfits for peanut), and general cleaning up I've also done in the last day. Whew.

Considering the serious sleep deficit peanut had from the moment we arrived, he did remarkably well. He let me totally abuse his schedule as we ran errands, ate dinner at his bedtime one night and generally just ran him ragged with family visits. A few firsts:

• One of peanut's favorite phrases (as I'm sure it is in any house with a kid under 3) is "uh-oh." Grandma managed to teach him "on purpose" after he threw his sippy cup on the floor for the third time during dinner and saying "uh-oh" each time. And it stuck. The hubby and I were playing with peanut before dinner last night and he threw a toy behind the sofa and proceeded to say "purpose, purpose."
  

• Upon arriving at Opa's house, a deer crossed the driveway pretty close to where we were standing. As I pointed it out to peanut, a herd of 15 or more deer came running from one end of the woods, crossed the driveway and kept going. Peanut was so excited he started to run towards them and then follow. I had visions of my poor guy getting run over by a straggling fawn, but luckily he avoided any collisions.
  

• Grandpa had his first foray into solo babysitting for seven hours on Saturday. He did great. And apparently introduced peanut to one of his favorite snacks - grilled cheese with grape jelly. I actually tried it once and it's not as gross as it sounds, but let's just say, I haven't had another. Grandpa gave peanut some grape jelly to dip his sandwich in (because peanut currently has a fascination with dipping things) and peanut apparently thought it was the greatest thing he'd ever tested. Like grandfather, like grandson, I suppose.
  

Now we're just focused on recovering, which includes eating lots of vegetables, taking long naps and going to bed on time. And the trip gave me a lot to think about. Every time I go home since I've become peanut's mom, I have a hard time figuring out how I fit in. I know a lot of it is my own hang-up and probably my own family's adjustment to my at-home mommy status. Of course this trip was also unique in that I had the opportunity to have dinner with the in-laws without the hubby being present. It also gave me food for thought on where I fit.

As I alluded to in my pre-flight post, I think I'm at a crossroads. I'm starting to take a step back and evaluate who I am becoming. I like what I see, but for some reason, it's still been difficult... I chatted with mom about it a little bit. Mainly that I feel less than confident lately. She, like all good mamas, laughed at me. She said that from what she could see, I was more than confident in the areas that mattered right now. And I think that's why I've had such a hard time of it - I'm still evaluating myself with my heels on, when really, the outfit calls for flip-flops.

So, now that I have some time to settle back into my life of play dates, mom's night out and afternoon's by the swings, I'm going to take a vacation from judging myself. Yes, hubby, I hear you laughing at me. But really, I'm going to try. I promise. And when I put on the heels and they don't feel as comfortable as I remember, that's okay. It doesn't mean I can't wear them or that I'm any less of a high heeled mama for wearing flats most days.

Hey, if I can manage to not judge my father for eating grilled cheese and grape jelly, I can give myself a break on my shoe selections, don't you think?!