Friday, June 27, 2008

Friday Frustration

I started writing a whole different post. One I just deleted. One that could pretty much be boiled down to "you can't please everyone with your parenting decisions." Lesson conveyed? Okay, good. It really wasn't that great of a post. Now we can talk instead about what's really bugging me today: Motivation. Or rather, the lack thereof.

I really wanted to make sure when I decided to be a stay at home mom that I still focused on me. It was imperative that I find an outlet, something thoughtful and creative that was only mine. This blog has been part of that initiative. But I've also created a few other projects for myself. Projects that I sometimes find it hard to sit down and work on.

Like right now. I should be doing something else, something I committed to myself earlier in the week. Instead, I'm finding lots of excuses - my computer is on the fritz so some of what I need to look at isn't available to me on the hubby's laptop, it's Friday and I'm tired, it will still be there tomorrow, it's not a fixed deadline. When really, I feel like some of it is just plain fear. Fear that I won't be good at what I'm working on. Fear that it's all just a big waste of time. And of course I know anything I do that feeds my soul is not a waste of time no matter what that thing is.

So why does it seem so hard to do it sometimes? Why is it easier to sit here and read my blog feeds and watch "A Baby Story" while peanut's napping? The most annoying part of it is that I know I will mentally beat myself up over it later. I'm not sure if it's simply my overachieving, multi-tasking nature finally clawing its way to the surface now that peanut's older or just the summer doldrums, the heat sucking every last bit of energy.

I don't know. All I know is that you really can't make everyone happy, I just wish I found it easier to do the things that make me happy.

Okay. I feel better now that I've gotten that out. To any of you out there in need of some motivation to do what you love (reading a book, composing a symphony, balancing your check book, peeing with the door shut) during those few moments of quiet time we get a day - you can do it. I'm starting fresh again on Monday. You can, too. We'll do this together. (Although if peeing with the door shut is your goal, I might recommend taking care of that before Monday).

2 comments:

Awake said...

Ah man, I have plenty of those days. I think its still a transition from very busy WOH life to very busy, but in a different way, SAH life. If that makes sense?

Kathryn said...

That is the great thing about every day. Starting out fresh again.
Going from working to staying at home is a difficult transition. Don't be so hard on yourself. :)